I’m not a yogi, but I appreciate a good yoga session. I just feel better when I leave the studio. Yoga was the kick-starter of my fitness for about a month soon after Paisley was born. (See post: Namaste) Something one of the instructors said in that awfully humid room stuck with me:
“It’s not about hitting the pose. It’s about maintaining control through the transition.”
Wow. Maintaining control through the transitions…of a headstand or of life.
I always felt like yoga was about posing the most beautiful silhouette. Getting upside-down and staying there until blood dripped out of my eardrums…or until the girl next to me fell first. But it’s not about the twist or the bend, it’s about manipulating my body through the movements in a controlled manner. Strength is displayed in the process, not the end result.
We are thick in transition, and some days I’m not maintaining control at all. I let the stress of the details rule my mind, keeping me awake at night. My mind scrolls through To Do Lists and worries about things like double mortgages, our double-shingled roof, closing dates and still no childcare for my kids. We begin work in Tulsa on the 10th and I still don’t know who will be caring for my children.
Oh, and we decided to give Jersey away. It was such a difficult decision; she was my first kid.
But I know she’s going to a good home where she will be well taken care of. She taught us responsibility and how to love something other than ourselves. She prepared us for cleaning up messes and waking up at the crack of dawn. She was so loyal. So kind to Finn and Paisley. She was beautiful and smart. She loved us unconditionally.
I will miss you terribly, Jersey Girl.
My clients have been so good to listen to me vent for the past month. Eddie, an ultra-marathon runner and one crazy but kind-hearted dude, said yesterday during a quad extension, “If it’s not hard, where’s the fun in that?!” Keep in mind: he runs 100 miles in the mountains for fun. And John, recovering from knee surgery but still training with me twice a week, reminded me this morning that a life void of challenge is boring.
It’s not about having everything settled in Tulsa. It’s not about completing my To Do List. It’s not about the pose.
Can I maintain a gentle tone of voice with my kids? Can I laugh with instead of nag at Joey? (Don’t ask him that.)
Can I pray instead of worry? Can I sing instead of shout? Can I be generous despite the overwhelming amount of cash flow escaping our bank account? It’s about maintaining control through the transition.