To Be Held

Though he’s been poked and prodded and tested and scanned since the moment he was born, today was baby Finn’s first surgery: a major operation to close the lesion in his spine. The neurosurgeon, Dr. Gross, just stopped by our room to give us a report. Operation went smoothly; no surprises and Finn was a brave little man. His lesion was at the L4-L5 level, which means his legs, ankles, and urinary tract will be affected in some form. He’s been urinating on his own, however, so we pray that continues post-surgery. His hips are strong, but there is not much movement/mobility in his lower legs and ankles. Sedated, he’s currently in the recovery room.

The best part of today was just before surgery. Dr. Gross walked over to us and asked if we had held him yet. Pouting, we both responded, “no,” as the NICU will not allow us to hold him for fear that we irritate his spine. She responded by carefully swooping him up and handing him to me. My heart melted as I held my little peanut, kissed his cheek and smelled his sweet skin. He immediately became calm and even smiled. Then it was Joey’s turn. Finn became less of a little stranger and more of our son for those short minutes. What a beautiful gift to hold and be held.


28 thoughts on “To Be Held

  1. What a beautiful moment! Finn is a truly adorable baby (and you know not all babies are! 😉 I know it is totally premature to say so, but I’m seeing a lot of mama in that face! So thankful that you finally got to enjoy those precious first moments with your boy, and that surgery went so well today. Continued prayers your way, friends!!!

  2. My eyes filled with tears as I read today’s post. So grateful you got to hold him and have that special time. Continuing to pray for strength for Finn and you both. Praying you don’t have to learn to catherize him because he won’t need it.
    Thank you so much for blogging and sharing.

  3. Oh tears!!! Praise the Lord for pee pee!! We will continue to pray for healing and strength. We love you all more than we can describe and we are so proud of you. Thank you for sharing these precious pics…he is absolutely beautiful!!

  4. Ashley and Joey, he is precious. Just recently got caught up on all that you’ve already walked through, and you are in our prayers. I was in tears as I read this and saw the pictures of you finally getting to hold your little man–tears of joy!! You are doing a great job, and I’m sure you’re overwhelmed. Prayers for you guys.

  5. Tears absolutely everywhere! Gorgeous doesn’t even begin to describe you all together, praise God for these precious moments! (and pee pee!!)

  6. He is so beautiful! I have been praying for your sweet family constantly. We serve a good and amazing God. He is God who answers prayers. Thank you for sharing Finn with your church family, he is already loved so much!

  7. What a blessing! That all sounds very promising. God is great! I am so glad that you got to hold him. I can’t wait to see him. You look great, Ashley!

  8. So thankful for the blessings of today, and for God’s continued faithfulness to my sweet friends. It sounds like Finn is a fighter, just like his momma. What beautiful pictures and precious moments!

  9. So thankful to hear the surgery went well! Thanking God for that blessing today, and that Finn got to be cuddled by his mommy and daddy, and praying that you’ll be overwhelmed with reminders of God’s love and faithfulness tomorrow and the days to follow! Love ya’ll!

  10. Finn is beautiful, his precious little face just takes you in! I love the visual of you getting to smell him and just soak him up even for a moment! What a compassionate Dr. to know how much you, Joe and Finn needed to hold each other! Praying for you sweet Momma. Holding you up in prayer and sending lots of love!!

  11. What a beautiful grin Finn has! SO thankful you both were able to get some holding time, hopefully much more to come! Praying for his next surgery ahead and for your rest and recovery too.

  12. He truly is such a beautiful baby. It’s amazing how quickly they capture our hearts with their sweet innocent expressions. We are thinking of you constantly!

  13. What a special time to share with the little fighter and each other. Finn is beautiful! He has such a sweet lil smile. I love you three and am praying for you throughout the day.

  14. Thank you so much for sharing photos and your heart as you met and held baby Finn. Praying you all experience God’s love and grace all the time. Finn is beautiful and precious and you are wonderful parents!

  15. Ashley and Joey,

    How wonderful that surgery went well and that you got to hold your little man! What a blessing to you all. We are thinking and praying for you all the time. Faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

    Sue and Steve

  16. Joey&ashley: Sarah c gave me your blog. Awesome! Should I have expected anything else from you two? Absolutely not! I am so happy to read your feelings & thoughts & see how god is glorified in your lives. I so hoped you had gotten to hold baby Finn but wasn’t sure if they would let you. I’m so glad your doctor saw the need & yearning that new parents have to hold their little one. We love you so much & want to be among the first to say , Congratulations you are new parents. We as parents are charged with a job that sometimes is difficult. Most of us have inward or private challenges that the world can’t see. Your challenge is out there for everyone to see. God has stayed beside you both & held you in the palm of his hand & comforted you because HE too is a parent & knows our inner fears, wants & desires. We love you & will continue to pray for you. By the way, let me be first to offer babysitting when you are ready to go out. After all not everyone has an emergency nurse in their back pocket

  17. Ashley, I am so glad God has placed you in my path. Getting to know you over the last few months as my strong, fearless, motivating “spin coach” has been a joy. I am truly amazed by your transparency through this process. I honestly cannot imagine enduring these last months of the “unknown”, and respect your privacy. I am assured through God’s promises that you and Joey were chosen specifically for this journey as the parents of Finn. Without a doubt, you will embrace this new life and be a voice to many young parents going through the same thing–many of them living in darkness, and you shining a light of hope and God’s great love. I hope this verse brings you comfort today…… “Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance” Col 1:11-12…..You three are beautiful and wonderfully made!

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