We left the hospital last night, taking in our first breath of outdoor air in five days. As we drove south on 35, Joey shared one of many recent perspective changes: “We can’t get in a wreck. Finn needs us.” Suddenly we are more important because we’re important to Finn. We are parents and responsible for a helpless human being–a lot of responsibility.
We visited Finn again very late last night. We were tired and I was emotional. I cried and cried as I stood holding his tiny finger. The swelling in his head has not decreased. In fact, it has increased, perhaps as a result of surgery and narcotics. I thought this would happen almost immediately, but apparently it can take weeks. I want healing to begin NOW. Yesterday. Six months ago. This isn’t fair. I wanted to rip all the tubes off his fragile body and escape with him in my purse. We stayed at a dear friend’s house last night and got our first full night’s rest in days. So refreshing.
This morning Finn had his first bath. There were so many adhesives and sticky orange (Finn just tooted, by the way…big deal) operation fluids all over him, he looked like a lab rat. Even his little ear was stuck to the back of his head. The supervising nurse made a tub of soapy bath water and helped me clean him. We used a strong oily wipe to get off all the adhesives (think Goo Gone) on his head, ears, back and in the crease of his neck. Then I used soft soapy wipes to make him clean and smelling more like a baby and less like formaldehyde. It felt so good to contribute to making him more comfortable. I feel helpless during this process, but today I gave my little man a sponge bath.