So yesterday I plopped down to type in between Finn’s feedings, fussings and diaper changes. All I could think to say was that I just wanted to go to Mexico. Joey’s mom is here to help (and doing such a fabulous job), so why couldn’t we just fly down to Riviera Maya for the weekend? That’s absurd. So I chose to post today instead, hoping I’d have more sense. Still want to go to Mexico.
Finn is doing well. At this point, he’s just a normal newborn baby doing normal newborn things. We, of course, aren’t normal newborn parents, as we are aware that Finn is different. We will not allow Spina Bifida to define Finn; it will be a part of his life, but it will not be his life. However, in these early months and years as we’re learning how to care for a baby with “special needs,” it’s tough not to worry. Is his insistent crying normal or is his shunt infected? Exposure to infection is something any new parent fears, but for Finn it could be fatal. Is his scar supposed to be a little red or is this cause for concern? Please pray for us regarding this…we’re taking him to the doctor tomorrow to check out his spinal scar. It looks a little different.
It’s difficult not to view Finn as a time bomb. Just waiting for something to go wrong. Though I feel myself wavering, I will choose not to live in fear. Fear is a much worse disease. It cripples me and steals my joy. It prevents me from living now.
Here are some truths:
He holds my hand.
Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you.”
He frees me from my prisons. He tells me to yell to him, “Daddy!”
Romans 8:15 “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, Abba, Father!”
He gives me courage and doesn’t leave me.
Dueteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”