Time Bomb

So yesterday I plopped down to type in between Finn’s feedings, fussings and diaper changes. All I could think to say was that I just wanted to go to Mexico. Joey’s mom is here to help (and doing such a fabulous job), so why couldn’t we just fly down to Riviera Maya for the weekend? That’s absurd. So I chose to post today instead, hoping I’d have more sense. Still want to go to Mexico.

Finn is doing well. At this point, he’s just a normal newborn baby doing normal newborn things. We, of course, aren’t normal newborn parents, as we are aware that Finn is different. We will not allow Spina Bifida to define Finn; it will be a part of his life, but it will not be his life. However, in these early months and years as we’re learning how to care for a baby with “special needs,” it’s tough not to worry. Is his insistent crying normal or is his shunt infected? Exposure to infection is something any new parent fears, but for Finn it could be fatal. Is his scar supposed to be a little red or is this cause for concern? Please pray for us regarding this…we’re taking him to the doctor tomorrow to check out his spinal scar. It looks a little different.

It’s difficult not to view Finn as a time bomb. Just waiting for something to go wrong. Though I feel myself wavering, I will choose not to live in fear. Fear is a much worse disease. It cripples me and steals my joy. It prevents me from living now.

Here are some truths:

He holds my hand.

Isaiah 41:13  “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you.”

He frees me from my prisons. He tells me to yell to him, “Daddy!”

Romans 8:15  “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, Abba, Father!”

He gives me courage and doesn’t leave me.

Dueteronomy 31:6  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”


6 thoughts on “Time Bomb

  1. Ashley – Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable. I will be praying for you both – that God will give you peace that surpasses all understanding, that He will alert you to slight changes in Finn and his body that need medical intervening, protection for Finn and his health, and to daily bring confidence to you in both of your parenting “gut” as you figure out what is norm vs out-of-the-norm for Finn. The scriptures you posted are great reminders of His promises – thanks for sharing.

  2. More precious truths for you, dear friend!
    Isaiah 26:3
    Lamentations 3:21-24
    Isaiah 51:11
    Psalm 73:23-24
    Psalm 91:4
    2 Corinthians 4:7-9,16
    Isaiah 43:1-3

    Praying for all 3 of you tonight!

  3. Ashley,

    I think all new Moms have that “time bomb” fear, what will go wrong, will I recognize it and do the right thing when something happens, how many times do I run to the doctor’s office just in case, …………… Pretty sure that’s normal for new Moms cause I wasn’t the only one in Dr. Fields waiting room. I will pray for you tonight for peace, courage, and confidence. God Bless

  4. I’d love to tell you that the “fear thing” will be a battle you’ll overcome as time goes on, but for me I daily deal with fear. However, God is daily bigger than my fears and fully capable of bringing peace to the days events. Smooches Dollie!

  5. Praying you get a good doctor’s report. You and Joey are so courageous in every way though you may not feel or know it at times. As I pray for your family you also have my admiration. Every new mother is anxious a lot..it comes with the territory no matter what. Thank you for sharing your hopes and fears…..Always praying, Sarah R.

  6. You are a strong family. The good news is when we are weak He is strong, always strong. Praying for you guys. You are an inspiration in so many ways. Praying the Lord fills your hearts and home with His Peace.

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