I found myself going cross-eyed while reading the Jesus Calling devotional this morning. It was just what I needed for Finn’s first year, and last year I read it again, though half-heartedly. But this morning I decided to move on.
There’s nothing like sleep-deprivation to wake up your sinful nature. Needless to say, I’m in need of spiritual substance. So I’m reading Ephesians and Restless, a book by Jennie Allen, given to me by none other than our family bookworm, Leah.
The first two chapters already have me imagining all kinds of wild, brave thoughts.
Jennie recalls being a new mother, unsettled and in search of purpose beyond diapers. She believed motherhood was her calling, but felt she lost herself somewhere in the process. This made me wonder if motherhood is my calling? Is it my calling simply because I am a woman? Well, no; because not all women are mothers nor are we all afforded the opportunity to become such. So womanhood does not equal motherhood.
I feel called to follow Christ. To live and love the way He did. I feel called to be a fitness professional–someone who attempts to exemplify health in a desperately unhealthy society. I feel called to be a loyal wife. And now, with two kids, I am officially called to be a mom. It’s a part of my identity. We even bought a mini-van.
In Chapter One, Jennie says,
“…I pray [this book] will spark something in you…a vision, perhaps, of the unique reason God keeps issuing you breath.”
I love that line: “…the unique reason God keeps issuing you breath.” If we’re alive, we have purpose. We’re not done yet.
“I want you to dare to believe that God has a vision for how you are to spend your life…What if the things you love to do collided with the plans God has laid out for you?”
What if our deepest hurts became the catalyst for our deepest passions? What if the random relationships and activities that define our lives aren’t random at all?
“What if you could get past your fears and insecurities and spend the rest of your life running…after his purposes for you?”
Do you feel like your life has purpose or are you restless? Stuck? Suffocating?
C.S. Lewis is one of the most creative minds in literature and one of my spiritual heroes. He writes:
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
This is not my home. But while I’m visiting, I’ll try (and oftentimes fail) to be a believer, a wife, a mom, and a personal trainer with purpose and intention.