Hear Her Roar

Shakespeare must have had Paisley in mind when he penned:

“Though she be but little, she is fierce.”

Everything she does is loud. She farts like an adolescent boy. She belches with force. She blows out her diapers. She demands her next feeding. And unfortunately she cries bloody murder. She can go from asleep to roaring in less than sixty seconds.

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Finn was not this way. He barely cried despite eight surgeries before his first birthday. I’m beginning to agree with Joey that “girls are just drama.”

Who, me?!

Who, me?!

Anyone who says the newborn stage is easy is lying. Ly-ing. Don’t believe their posts or Instagram pictures. It’s a sham.

One month!

One month!

New (or veteran) Momma, please don’t think for one minute that you’re alone in this. It’s just hard. Parenting a newborn (and a disabled toddler) is pushing me to the brink of desperation. I’ve raised my voice, cussed a few times, huffed and puffed, gone outside for some fresh air on a number of occasions, and prayed hundreds of silent (or sometimes loud) prayers asking the Lord for His help.

Paisley was so laid back her first two weeks.

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Either this past week was a phase or she was fooling us all along. Baby girl struggles with acid reflux, is full of gas, and sometimes decides she’ll stay up all night long. Yesterday was the definition of “colicky.” I remember hearing about this tragic condition for newborns, pitying the parents of such a monster. Well, yesterday I was that mom. There is no “crying it out” for Paisley. She escalates until she is choking. Then Finn begins crying, sad for his sister and irritated with the noise. Then I begin crying…

I have no control.

Because she is my second child, I know this chapter of Paisley’s baby book is short. The newborn phase is fleeting. She WILL sleep eventually. We WILL sleep again one day. She will not cry all day every day. She will smile. There will be–and have been–good days/nights and bad days/nights. Last night she slept five hours at a time! A sweet gift from God after yesterday’s madness.

My prayer for today:

Jesus, this is what you’ve called me to for now. Thank you for our gifts, Paisley and Finn. Help me not to rush this newborn phase or wish it away. Help me to be patient, gentle and slow to anger. Give me energy despite my exhaustion. Love my family through me–and in spite of me. Give us rest.

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12 thoughts on “Hear Her Roar

  1. What I would give to unite Finn and Nolan as buddies and give you a little reprieve. Hang tough, Ashley. I remember a post you once wrote about being a Strong Mom. This phase isn’t as much a physical testament, but it’s a Strong Mom pursuit just the same!!

  2. Oh girl, you’re reminding me of what’s to come! Eek! Hang in there! (And when you lose it and feel like the worst mom ever, just know that I once got so undone by sleep deprivation and the stress of a fussy baby that I actually told a weeks old Rhett to go the F to sleep. Yep. Super mom.)

  3. I feel your pain. We are foster parents to a 2 month old girl who we have had since she was a day old. Then we said yes to an adoption placement last week. So I have a 9 day old baby too….plus our 6 year old son! Fun times at my house!!

  4. Pingback: Namaste | our invincible summers

  5. Ashley — You probably don’t remember me but I was roommates with Megan Deshazo our freshman year at OBU. I wanted to let you know about a service that helped my sister-in-law called Moms On Call. My SIL’s baby was extremely colicky and took all of the acid reflux meds and once she signed up with this service, her baby changed her ways. It is a little pricey, but she said it was the best investment she ever made. Hope this will help!!

  6. Pingback: One Wittle Candle | our invincible summers

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