I remember the first time I attended Mania. I was in the best shape of my life as Group Fitness Coordinator for Baylor University, but I was also the most insecure. I viewed the other trainers and instructors in the room as competition, comparing myself against them. I didn’t intend to, it just happened. Once I had Finn, those comparisons didn’t matter anymore. I was so proud to have made it through a really tough pregnancy and a tougher first several months with my son. I was a fit mom; I didn’t care who was “fitter.” This year I wasn’t exactly in the best shape…the heaviest I’ve ever been, actually. I thought maybe I’d get all weird and comparative, but I didn’t.
I was strong and able to keep up–just so grateful for the opportunity to be there. Joey’s mom came to help him with the kids…thank you so much, Becky!
At a break in my schedule, I took a book out to the pool terrace and plopped down into a lounge chair, sore and exhausted.
I’ve written about Restless before…I’ll be honest, I just don’t read for any length of time these days. I’ve started about five books, but finished zero.
Anyway, I was challenged by Jennie Allen to dream big and trust God. Not to worry about the “how,” or about what people would think and how they might question my motives. If I feel called to something “bigger,” I should have the faith to step out.
I don’t really know what that “big dream” is yet or how it will play out, but I think it involves fitness and writing and speaking and my son who can’t walk. I closed my eyes, allowing the hot Texas wind to dry my sweat, praying and thanking the Lord for my beautiful, imperfect life.
Later in the day, THE Jillian Michaels was our keynote speaker. The Next Level girls (Caitlyn, Cassie and Megan) saved me a spot four rows from the stage!
When asked about her road to success, Jillian replied, “There’s a difference between thinking you’re better than everyone else and thinking you’re deserving [of something bigger]. Saying, ‘Why not me?’.” I think it takes a lot of bravery to act upon your dreams. It involves risk, and cowards don’t like risk.
I drove home that evening alone, listening to a crackling radio because my phone was almost dead. Disappointed with the cheesy songs I heard on the Christian radio station, I turned it off and asked the Lord to speak to me. I began to feel that same pull toward something bigger…dreams of making a difference. Then I prayed for the energy to be Finn and Paisley’s mom and prepared myself to come home to a crying baby.
I don’t want to jinx myself, but Paisley Dawn has been doing so well lately. She’s still a fussy baby, but she’s not crying incessantly in the evenings anymore and is much easier to pacify. She had her 2 month check up today and the doctor said she’s more like a 4 month old physically…she has rolled from stomach to back, can hold her entire chest up for minutes in tummy time, and bears weight on her legs.
She and I had the best time smiling and cooing at each other tonight while Joey is at work. I’m falling in love with her; dreaming big things for my girl and excited to see the little lady she’ll become.